2675 replies to this topic

[adrian_r5]

romanii au inventat "baicoi" http://www.garajul.r...tyle_emoticons/default/cunaooooo.gif

... care daca nu venea "inghesuiala" din '89 urma sa-si schimbe numele in "baitovarase"

Aceasta postare a fost editata de adrian_r5: 15 ianuarie 2007 - 09:42

[Maxy]

http://forum.softped...howtopic=171280

[MikeTekRacing]

avantajul busonului pe stanga e ca cele mai multe masini il au pe dreapta si coada e mai mica

[onyx-20]

[SHARANEL]

Cool. Avem in fata o capodopera a manelelor, care le reabiliteaza si prezinta fata inteligenta a manelistilor. Care sunt.

Ma indoiesc ca o asemenea "creatie" va intra vreodata in emisie la radio sau tv.

[Kenny]

Supraestimezi integritatea OTV-ului .

[lexus]

Ce tarani astai din videoclip...toti!

[rzv74]

ABC +BC+C=4A5

Aflati A,B,C avand in vedere ca reprezinta cifrele care compun respectivele numere.

[MikeTekRacing]

3,6,5

[DanCld]

ABC +BC+C=4A5

365 + 65 + 5 = 435

Later edit: uh, cineva mai rapid!

Aceasta postare a fost editata de DanCld: 25 ianuarie 2007 - 12:21

[LaScurt]

Senzational - Florin Maimuta il ataca pe Guta

[rzv74]

O tânara se plânge de o slabiciune permanenta resimtita de un an incoace.
> - Serviciul va solicita prea mult? întreaba medicul.
> - Nu, am un serviciu usor.
> - Atunci va obosesc copiii? - Nu, n-am copii.
> - Hmm... C�t de des faceti sex?
> - De trei ori pe zi.
> - Atunci acesta-i motivul oboselii dv. permanente.
> Va sugerez ca macar duminica sa luati o pauza.
> - Nu pot, domnule doctor. Duminica vine acasa sotul meu.


Un ascultator sovetic ne intriaba daca e adevarat ca dupa accidentul
> nuclear de la Cernobil, oamenilor le-au cazut dintii ? Noi raspundem ca da, dar nu
> tuturor, ci numai acelora care nu si-au tinut gura...
>
> Un ascultator suna Radio Erevan:
> - Buna ziua!
> - Buna ziua! Va ascultam.
> - Am gasit un portofel care contine 15.000 dolari si un buletin de
> identitate pe numele Gherasim Mihai.
> - Asa, si?
> - Pai, as vrea sa-i ofer o dedicatie muzicala!
>
> - Se poate folosi aspirina drept anticonceptzional ?
> - Da, in cazul in care este tinuta intre genunchi...
>
> Intrebare la Radio Erevan:
> - Pot incepe orele de educatie sexuala cu fiica mea de 12 ani?
> Raspuns:
> - Da! Veti invata lucruri noi si interesante!

[rzv74]

Adam si Eva sunt izgoniti din rai . La plecare, ei intreaba: - Doamne, cine va spala vasele ?? Dumnezeu le spune : - Va voi pune la o incercare. Va veti sui intr-un copac si voi da drumul la o pisica salbatica sa va chinuie. Cine va vorbi primul, acela va spala vasele toata viata. Zis si facut. Vine pisica si se urca pana la Eva, o zgaraie pe picioare, o musca, Eva, nici un cuvant. Trece pisica la Adam. Il zgaraie pe picioare, il musca, se ridica mai sus si observa intre picioare doi motocei. Pisica incepe sa se joace cu ei si la un moment dat, observa ca un soricel ce era ca mort, incepe sa se miste si sa creasca. Si-a luat atunci pozitia de asalt, dar cand sa sara, Eva a urlat : - Zat !! fir-ai a dracului nu ai voie acolo !! De atunci a ramas lege : femeia spala vasele!


Un student pica la examenul de logica. - Domnule profesor, daca va pun o intrebare de logica si nu stiti raspunsul, imi mariti nota? - Da, sigur! - Ce este legal dar ilogic, ilegal dar logic, ilogic si ilegal, toate in acelasi timp? Profesorul se gandeste, face scheme pe hartie, dar nu stie raspunsul. - Bine, uite, ti-am pus 8 in loc de 3, acum spune-mi si mie raspunsul. - Faptul ca dumneavoastra aveti 69 ani, iar sotia dvs. are 22 ani este legal, dar ilogic; faptul ca sotia dvs. are un amant de 21 ani este ilegal, dar logic, iar faptul ca dvs. ii mariti nota amantului sotiei dvs. este si ilegal si ilogic

[S600]

Ce face un http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redneck

10. The monitor is up on blocks.

9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

8. The six front keys have rotted out.

7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them.

6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

5. The password is "Huntin".

4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.

3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".



The young Texan came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"

The young Texan answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."


Dallas Air Traffic Control: "Tower to Sudi Air 911---You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R."

Saudi Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on runway 9R. Allah be Praised"

Dallas ATC: "Tower to Egypt Air 711--You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."

Egypt Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. We are cleared to land on runway 9R. Allah is Great"

Pause: Static..........
Saudi Air: "Dallas ATC! Dallas ATC!"

Dallas ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 9! 11"

Saudi Air: "You have cleared both our aircraft for the same runway!!! We are on a collision course! Instructions please!!!!!!!"

Dallas ATC: "Well bless your hearts. Y'all be careful now.......ya hear?"


This guy walks into a pub and half his head is a big orange. He says: 'I'll have a pint of lager, please.' And the barman says: 'Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing, but half your head appears to be a big orange.' And the boy goes: 'Yeah, had that for a while now.'

So the barman says: 'How did that come about, if you don't mind me asking?' And the boy says: 'I was in this old junk shop when I found a lamp and when I gave it a rub this genie appeared.

He offered me the standard three wishes, and I said: 'For my first wish, I'd like every woman I ever meet to fall madly in love with me.' So the genie waves his genie hands and suddenly there's women looking at me. Then the genie says: 'What will your second wish be?' I said: 'I'd like a wallet with ?1million in it, and I can never lose it, it can't be destroyed, and every time I spend any of the money, it'll be replenished.' And the genie says: 'Your wish is granted. Now, what will your third wish be?' So I said: 'For my third wish, I'd like half my head to be a big orange.'


A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So .. what'll it be?"

The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years ... I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."

The woman thought for a minute and said , "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is good in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for . . a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the Stupid map again.


A pirate captain looks in the distance one day and sees an enemy ship. The captain says, ""Cabin boy, get me my red shirt."

The cabin boy gets the captain's red shirt and he puts it on. When they get close enough, they go into battle with the other pirates and win. A few days later, same thing happens.

"Cabin Boy, get me my red shirt." Same thing also. They fight the enemy, and win. The cabin boy then asks the captain.. "Captain?"

"Yes?"

"Why do you ask for your red shirt all the time?"

"Because if I get wounded and bleed, I don't want anyone to notice."

"Okay."

A month passes. The captain sees 20 enemy ships heading in their direction. "Cabin Boy, get me my brown pants."


Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying, "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident."

"OH DEAR GOD NO," Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President, devastated, looks up and asks, "How many is a Brazillion??!"


The young Texan came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"

The young Texan answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."





These people canceled out YOUR vote

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When another person jumped in and explained that the sun rises in the east (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff." And then she voted.

I used to work in technical support for a 24x7 call center. One day I got a call from an InDUHvidual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Pacific.." And then he voted.

So my colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving." And then she voted.

I was in a high school advanced physics class and the teacher was talking about a new military weapon that uses sonic waves on the battlefield to burst enemy soldier's chests. One InDUHvidual in the class spoke up and said, "Well that's stupid! Why don't they just wear headphones?" And a few years later, he voted.

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seatbelt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk. And then she voted.

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought two cases. The cashier multiplied two times 10% and gave us a 20% discount. And then they all voted.

I was hanging out with a real liberal friend of mine when we saw a woman walk by us with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I had to explain to her that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned. And then she voted.

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because they were trained professionals and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" And then she voted.



LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"

To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not. You're going to "eat me", just like it says in the book."



Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?"

They draw straws. Liam Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me"

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door Mrs. Murphy answers and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares: "Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home"

"Tell him to drop dead!" says Murphy's wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Gallagher.



What's the difference between a teacher and a train? A teacher says "spit your gum out" and a train says "choo choo!!"


5 Kinds of Sex

1. The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period; you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.

2. The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.

3. The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.

4. The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Screw you!"

5. There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and you and your wife screw each other in front of everyone in the courtroom.



When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widowed father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

So one evening, he went to a singles bar, where he spots the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, her natural beauty takes his breath away.

I may look just like an ordinary man," he says, as he walks up to her,"but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

The woman went home with Charles that evening, and the next day, she became his stepmother.

Will men ever learn?



Who Knew Cops Have A Sense Of Humor...?

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."



A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night, and led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. One of the guests asked, "What's that big brass gong?"

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yep," replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You moron, it's ten past three in the morning!



She Was So Blonde

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She tripped over the cordless phone.

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.

If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

When she heard that 90% of all crimes happen around the home, she moved.

She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.

She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".

Aceasta postare a fost editata de S600: 26 ianuarie 2007 - 09:32

[Kenny]

Trist , dar dureros de adevarat :
CUM ITI DAI SEAMA CA AI TERMINAT FACULTATEA???

- ai mai multa mancare decat bere in frigider.

- 7:00 este ora la care te trezesti si nu cea la care
te duci la culcare.

- iti asculti melodia preferata in lift la serviciu.

- prietenii tai se casatoresc si divorteaza in loc "sa
iasa la agatat" sau "sa o rupa".

- ajungi de la 90 de zile de vacanta la doar 7.

- "blugii" si puloverul nu mai fac parte din garderoba
ta.

- rudele mai in varsta incep sa spuna bancuri
deochiate in prezenta ta.

- iti hranesti cainele "stiintific" in loc de "cu
resturi".

- MTV nu mai reprezinta prima sursa de informatie.

- te duci la farmacie pentru algocalmine si ulcerotrat
in loc de prezervative si teste de sarcina.

- mananci intr-adevar "breakfast food" la ora micului
dejun.

- "N-o sa mai beau atat in viata mea !!"este inlocuit
cu "Nu mai rezist cum rezistam alta data."

- peste 90% din timpul petrecut in fata calculatorului
este intr-adevar munca.

[jaffar]

[jaffar]

http://bazar.regieli...asa-370613.html

[ska]

Examen in anul II de facultate. Profesorul sta cu fata la geam - studentii copiaza pe rupte. Cand profesorul se intoarce cu fata la studenti, acestia copiaza in continuare. Cand profesorul bate cu pixul in masa, studentii se prefac ca scriu de zor.

Examen in ultimul an de facultate. Profesorul sta cu fata la geam - studentii copiaza pe rupte. Cand profesorul se intoarce cu fata la studenti, acestia continua cu copiatul. Cand un student din ultimele randuri bate cu pixul in masa, profesorul se intoarce cu fata la geam.

[Aer Curat]

# Asemanarea dintre o fusta mini si un discurs.
Amandoua trebuie sa fie suficient de lungi ca sa acopere problema si destul de scurte ca sa capteze interesul.

# Diferenta dintre un avion si o secretara:
Avionul daca nu zboara, pica.
Secretara daca nu pica, zboara.

# Diferenta dintre vina si pacat:
E o vina sa te culci cu nevasta altuia, dar e pacat sa ratezi ocazia...

# Asemanarea intre un barbat si economia mondiala:
Parul e in recensiune, stomacul e o victima a inflatiei, iar amandoua la un loc provoaca o mare depresie!

[jaffar]

blonda, tot blonda:

 blond_mash_02.jpg   64,97KB   45 downloads
 blond_mash_03.jpg   38,66KB   59 downloads

[maximus]

pe aia precis a parasit-o iubitul )

[Kenny]

Judecand dupa prima poza , am presupus ca asa credea ea ca o sa iasa benzina din canistra .

[the1]

mericanii: - La noi... cand trece Bush, toata lumea arunca cu oua in el, il scuipa, il injura, etc etc...
Rusii: - La noi cand trece Putin, toata lumea se pisa pe el... care mai de care...
Americanii: - Ei, hai sa fim seriosi; am exagerat si noi putin...Il injuram dar mai cote asa... aruncam spre el dar nu il atinge nimeni...
Rusii: - Pai si noi am exagerat putin... Intradevar ne pisam dar nimeni nu isi da pantalonii jos.

[jaffar]

ce fac studentii:

[VladSoare]

Aia cu blonda şi ţigara e făcătură. Chiar grosolană.
Uitaţi-vă la degetele care ţin ţigara, �n special arătătorul.

Aceasta postare a fost editata de VladSoare: 06 februarie 2007 - 03:31